[IC] Empatheias Inbox

[angelofnaboo]

Recipient: Padmé Naberrie Amidala
Alignment: Daimonia
Homeworld: Naboo

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crystal • letter • in-person

Please note in the header if it is Voice/Image/Letter/Action and what date this contact was initiated.

Comments

[mislighted]

["A part of me feels like I should blame you." Though he listens to the rest, the fact that a part of her does resent him hurts, no matter how deserved it is. His grip tightens for a moment, and he hides his face from her by tilting his head into her hair.

The name "Vader" makes him flinch, though, so trying to hide his reaction is useless. After the Clone Wars, so few things manage to get that from him, but this still does.]

I've made my own mistakes, Padmé... But everyone else acts like the one I haven't are inevitable. I don't know how to prove to them I won't. You, Obi-Wan and Luke are the only ones who seem to really believe that.

[angelofnaboo]

[One of his flaws is that he's so ready to believe that everyone is against him. And unlike those from the future, she and Obi-Wan have seen Darth Vader with Anakin's face. It's harder for her to hate him, true, and she's not blind to his flaws, but she's also still trying to make peace with the monster on Mustafar on a nightly basis.

And though she knows that Anakin chooses that path, she can't blame him. She knows too much about why and how he Fell. She just wishes he'd have talked to her on any of the occasions she begged him to open up to her.

Which is why his effort here is so much sweeter than anyone else can understand.]

I didn't say you were perfect, Anakin. No one is. We're all flawed. And, to be fair, Obi-Wan and I know who you are, what you've done and what you can do if given the chance. Luke...Luke still has little boy fantasies about his father. I don't think Owen was able to stamp them out of him the way he wanted.

As for the others, it will take time. Everything takes time. Hopefully we have that here.

[She tilts her head up so she can look at him completely.]

Even if we don't, I want you to know that I love you more than life itself and will do anything I can to help you.

[mislighted]

[He gave her his word that he would never make the same mistakes everyone else knew him for. He's stumbled badly along the way, but for the past few months, he's truly done what he could think of to make sure he kept that promise.

The only real issue is how difficult it is, having none of the respect and trust he's used to. Anakin is a man that thrives on the attention of others, even if that's something that everyone has tried to train out of him. Her words keep him on the right path; he's too afraid to lose her to deviate.]

I know. I know you're right, but I still wish it were easier than this. Everyone is so quick to judge...

[He lifts his head, running his free hand over her cheek again.]

I don't want it to be us against everyone else again. I don't want you to miss your chance with Leia because of me.

[He looks away from her face as he says this, because while it's true and he means it with all his heart, he still wants that chance for himself. His jealousy of her opportunity is pathetic, and he knows it.]

[angelofnaboo]

[She knows that none of this has been easy for him, not with so many others having information about his future and not considering his present. She's ached for him as well as worried that the stress might take it's toll on everything that she hopes to have while she still can.

It's selfish on her part, but she wants so much that of the things that are being dangled in front of her face—her husband, her children, a job, no war, a chance to be happy—and if she has to do that on another planet, in a different reality, she hopes to grab it with both hands and hold onto it for dear life.]

Anakin, nothing we've ever done has been easy. Nothing. I don't think either of us could handle it if it were.

[She leans into his touch, closing her eyes.]

I don't want to have to face off against our own children and friends, but I won't choose either. I could have rejected you, and with good reason, that first day. I've made my choice already and I don't regret it.

[She turns his head so that he cannot look away.]

Whatever happens, you are my husband. I know the kind of man you are, the kind of man you can be, both good and bad. Besides, you must know that it's not just us against the world. We have Luke, Takashi and Obi-Wan at the very least. We've both made friends here as well. They've had the chance to see you at your best.

And when your chance at getting to know our daughter comes, I will be at your side. And until then, I can gather all the information about her for you.

[mislighted]

[She's right. He knows it can't ever be that easy; nothing ever really is. Still, that doesn't stop him from wanting it to be. Is it so wrong to want something uncomplicated for once?

But again, she has a point... If things aren't complicated on their own, Anakin has a way of making sure they get there quickly.]

I'd appreciate it more if it were a different kind of difficult, then.

[He can't even drag up a self-depreciating half-smile at that. When he tries, it comes out as a grimace. He's just too tired and worn down to fake it.]

Luke and Obi-Wan already know the worst of it, more than even I do... You're right. If any of you were going to leave, you would have already gone. I'm glad you've stayed.

But Takashi and the others don't know anything. What is they agree with Leia? I don't know how to convince anyone when I can hardly convince myself.

[He hadn't meant for that to come out, but he's gotten too used to telling her the truth when he can that it slips out without thought. He's startled by the words, and he hurries to leave them behind and focus on her offer.]

And even though she wants nothing to do with me, you'd still do that?

[There's a desperate hope in his face, because he wants to know Leia so badly it hurts. If she ever found out what her mother was telling him, though, he's sure she'd be even angrier at the both of them. That Padmé would still risk it, knowing all of that, is worth more than all the money and powers in the galaxy to him right now.]

[angelofnaboo]

[She gives him a half-hearted smile at his joke, but it's wiped clean at his grimace. Everything about this is terrible and she'd like to make it better but she doesn't really know how.]

We love you. We've seen the good in you, as well as the bad.

And, honestly, Takashi has only seen the good side of you. He knows you as you present yourself to him—a kind, but stern father figure that cares for him.

[His confession hurts. She knows what he can do, but she also knows how much love he has.]

Anakin, do you trust me?

[The answer about Leia will wait. This is more important.]

[mislighted]

[That gets a startled look out of him, and he pauses for a few moments as he tries to process that.]

Father figure? Do you really think he sees me that way?

[Their age difference seems so small, it hadn't occurred to Anakin that he'd be viewed as being father-like. He thinks he likes that idea, but he'll have to dwell on it later. Her question seems to weighted and important to put off.]

I trust you more than I've trusted anyone else in my life, Padmé.

[He hopes she doesn't doubt that. He'd cut his heart out and leave it in her hands if she asked, knowing she'd never harm it. She can be trusted with his very life, in a world where few people can be. She would never betray him, and he knows this down to his bones.]

[angelofnaboo]

[She caresses his face, lips tilted up into a small, pleased expression.]

He hasn't said as much to me, but I think he sees me as a mother figure and you're my husband. You don't realize how you show yourself to him. It's not like your relationship with Ahsoka, where you were both like siblings. You've definitely taken to trying to father him.

[They're kinda cute that way, and she knows that their relationship has made it easier for Anakin to really settle into life in Verens.]

Then I want you to trust me about our daughter. It'll take time for the both of us to get to know her. She... had parents with Bail and Breha. Asking her to forget about them and to accept us right away is the worst thing we can do.

We've gotten off easy with Luke, you know.